When ‘NO’ is right

“Oya, oya, sorry I’m coming; will be there in a jiffy,” Sandra said to Felix over the phone.

“Nawa o, that’s what you said the last ten minutes; just tell me you’re still at home, hen!” He replied back. Sandra shuttled shyly on the grass where Felix’s tools had been laid down.

“This is your ten minutes abi? From 12 o’clock to 12:45”. Felix said sarcastically, pointing at his wristwatch.

“You know it’s your fault. You just called me impromptu”.

“Hmmhmm, don’t come and put blames on me because I asked you”. He replied to a frowning Sandra. “Why are you looking this tired?”

“Hmmm,” Sandra said with a sign. “I had barely slept for two hours over the night and then your call woke me up”.

“You’ve started with your blame game now. How could my call wake you up when you didn’t even sleep at all”.

“Barely sleep, Felix, not didn’t sleep. Don’t you know the difference?”

“Whatever. So what happened? What were you doing over the night? At least I didn’t call you throughout the night, I called early in the morning”.

“I was helping Shalewa edit her script, she said she had to…”

“Sandra! Did you finish the artwork you were working on before coming here?”

“You know that thing takes time and you called early this morning that you needed my help”.

“You’ve not answered my question yet”.

“No”

“You know you’re my fiancée and I think I have the right and liberty to tell you the truth. Will you listen to me?”

“Yes”. She replied smugly.
“This will hurt but it’s the truth”. Felix said. “You’re not being wise”.

“Hanhan! All because I decided to help?”

“I didn’t say that. Let me finish. It’s good to help people but it shouldn’t be to your detriment. You should know the limit. Please, I’m not saying you can’t sacrifice for your loved ones but it doesn’t mean you should put yourself at the receiving end. The other time you left your work, a client’s work, to follow Shalewa to the shopping mall to pick her wedding dress”.

“She’s my best friend now”.

“I know but you left your business to face someone else’s when she could have gotten someone else to help her if you had explained the situation to her”.

“I did, you know the way she is”

“The same way she was sleeping yesterday night and you could barely sleep two hours. Is that wise?” Felix continued. “I know this might sound surprising but you didn’t have to say yes to me today. You could have told me you had work to finish up and then I would either adjourn the time to a convenient one or do it all by myself. I know the next thing you’d say is you were considering my feelings, you didn’t want me to feel bad but now, you’re making me feel bad”.

“You’re not saying anything,” Felix said.

“What do you expect me to say, I’ve heard”.

“Please try and understand me. All I’m saying is your decisions should not be dependent on people’s feelings and emotions especially when your well-being is at stake. Let it be based on what is most important at the moment. Sometimes, you choose to go to an event just because I’m going and then you leave other important things you need to do unattended to or you make a choice without logically thinking if it’s best for you, the only thing you’re concerned is not to hurt the person’s feeling. Dear, if you would go far in life, on a serious note, you must learn to say no to people at times and make them feel bad if saying yes will affect you negatively. Do you understand?”

“Yes, thank you” She replied, shyly.

“Although I feel bad; I left everything just because of you and now this”.

“Hen, I really appreciate that but now, you need to go back and do your work. As for Sandra, you’re allowing her to blackmail you emotionally”.

“How?”

“She knows the way you are and will whine and cry so you’d feel pity for her and go out of your way on her behalf, without minding if it’s intruding into your space or affecting you. It’s not her fault tho, it’s because you’re always saying yes to her”.

“Ok, I’m sorry. I will try my best and be wise”

“If you like don’t. You can kukuma come and help me all day, I need it”.

“Thank you, sire, please I’d like to be on my way now”. She said, packing her things.

“You’ve vexed now, hen; because of the small thing I just said”.

“No! I’m going home to wisen up and finish my artwork”.

“It’s okay”. Felix said, grinning. “So, when next are we seeing, Friday afternoon right?”

“I will get back to you when it’s convenient for me. Goodbye!”

“Sandra, Sandra. I know that’s a joke, abi?”

“Anyhow you see it”

“Bye! Love you!” He shouted to her over the distance.

Well….back to you! Are you like Sandra? Always drooling over everyone’s emotion, allowing yourself to be directly or indirectly blackmailed? Making decisions so as not to displease the second party or get a frown? Well, wisen up! As good as it is to help others, put other’s needs before you, sacrifice and show love, it shouldn’t be to your detriment or disadvantage. Or do you make decisions based on your friend’s choice and you have no mind of your own? You’re allowing yourself to be indirectly blackmailed if every decision you make is dependent on someone else and not what is good or beneficial to you.

I remember wanting to make a decision about somewhere I wanted to go. I had two events fixed at the same time and they were both important. But in the midst of making the decision, I discovered I was beginning to base it on the friends going for both events. I had to snap out of it and think of which was right for me and not which friend was going to one or the other. It was kind of hard choosing, so one thing I did was to lay the decision in God’s hands and ask Him to direct me. Finally, I got the one I was to go to. A few days after, I discovered that the other one I could have gone to eventually didn’t hold. If I had depended on my feelings on which friend was going to one or the other, I probably would have gone to the canceled one, wasted time, money for transport fare and missed the opportunity of attending the one that held. Other decisions I’ve had to make have taught me not to make choices because of others, especially when my well being is at stake or detrimental to me or/ and most important, when it’s a crucial decision to make.

Making a choice to let go of sleep and stay with a friend isn’t so crucial or important, but choosing where to school or a place to relocate to or the job to apply for or something quite pivotal to life with others in mind will be foolishness.

One Bible verse that I think hits the nail on the head is this: Proverbs 9:12 “If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: but if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it”. May we be wise in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Gracias. God bless you. Feel free to share too.

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13 thoughts on “When ‘NO’ is right

  1. Wowww….. Honestly, I’m speechless. It’s like this was meant for me. I’ve been dealing with this issue of not being able to say NO to people or things that affect me; but now I know better and with God’s help, I’m going to wisen up. Thank you so much Tosin.

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  2. Wowww…. Honestly I’m speechless. It’s like it was meant for me. I have been finding it difficult to say NO to people and things that affect me; but I now know better and with God’s help, I’m going to wisen up. Thank you so much Sis Tosin

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    1. Thanks Tosin. Sometimes I’m indecisive on some issues and sometimes consider people’s feeling but I have learnt from this writeup to say NO.

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    2. Thanks Tosin. Sometimes I’m indecisive on some issues and sometimes consider people’s feeling but I have learnt from this writeup to say NO.

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